Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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