your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
