did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize