I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
