Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
