she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize