accomplished twins. life is a go
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
