That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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