I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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