We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
