Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
