everyone is single if you try hard enough
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
