it was like his penis was on wheels.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
