A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
and she was petting her beer can
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We don't watch enough power rangers
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
