Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
