i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
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