and next time when you feel me up, do it right
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
