He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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