no, he came in my armpit
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
