So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
