Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
