the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
