You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
