You're my little dorito
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
