remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
