why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
did you just send me my own nude
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
