I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
