That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You can't special order awesome
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
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