Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My vagina is officially offended.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
