Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
