I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
