i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
