no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
