My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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