im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Best friends brother. Beat that.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My vagina is officially offended.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
