you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
