Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
