I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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