The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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