I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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