Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
