How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
