You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
where are you?
Hypothermia
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
