I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
