This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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