he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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