$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
