as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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