Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
