Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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