In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
