I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
