Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
